Because the “feels”

Brace yourself – I’m about to get for real emotional here.

I wanted to post this because it is important for me to let it out.

Seven years ago I started writing Hide and Seek Her. Seven YEARS. That’s a few years shy of ten, and I graduated high school ten years ago. I’ve always been a writer, and starting my senior year I had the firm passion to someday write a book, but I didn’t sit down with the actual go ahead to start one until about seven years ago. Give or take a few months. What Hide and Seek Her evolved into, was not what it started out as. I had no intentions of writing a series, but somewhere in between Vance and Jackson, I realized I would need to extend the plot and it would more than likely be more than one book, which in turn meant Finders Keep Her was born.

With the release of Finders approaching really quickly, I am experiencing a lot of feelings. I imagine all writers, both indie and best selling authors, experience these “feels”. It’s a combination of fear, anxiety, nervousness, excitement, pride, and peace. I worry about what readers and non readers will thank. I’d be lying if I told you any different. I appreciate all thoughts on my stories, both negative and positive, however it’s still very important to me. If it’s hated, I want to know why you hated it. If you loved it – tell me what about it made you feel that way. I want to know what I can improve on or what I should keep the same. I’m open to all criticism, however it still makes me as nervous as ever putting all this out there.

Sometimes in the grocery store, people tell me they’ve read my book. Most of them tell me they liked it and they want to know more about the sequel. Sometimes it is the opposite, and they tell me that they didn’t like the swearing or the fact that it’s not a happily ever after. I take both of those comments with a grain of salt and a smile on my face. Obviously the comments and compliments tend to make me happier than the negative words or head shakes when people point out the swearing, but that’s just the way things go.

I have moments of doubt where I think that I’m stupid for doing all of this. Sometimes I have moments of pure joy and I try to hug myself because I’m so happy. It’s a never ending viscous cycle of emotions for me. Yesterday, I was dwelling on whether or not I should even release it – and then my proof arrived and I cried because it was so beautiful and I could hold it my hands. After that I felt better.

I don’t really know what I can compare these “feels”to. When book one came out, I really had nothing to do with it. I received an email saying it would be released soon and then it was just there, on Amazon. There wasn’t much anticipation or build=up, it just kind of happened. It’s different this time around so I am not sure if I am behaving correctly or not. (If there is even a right way to behave.)

So now, with the release just two weeks away, I’m starting to come to terms with the fact that people will either like it, despise it, or not care either way. I’m trying to just let the whole experience sink in and just take it hour by hour and see how it goes. So far, it’s going as I expected. It’s tough, but I’m really trying to just experience it.

I’m hoping to give you all some new material in the late winter months, but right now, I’m taking a step back from writing for a few days and I’m just going to let my mind piece itself back together. The next book I release will unfortunately not be the final installment of this series, but rather a standalone novel I’ve mentioned before. I’m hoping to give you the final installment of Hide and Seek Her by May 2016- one year after the first book was published. I think you’ll all like this standalone though…it’s different, but in a good way.

Thank you ALL for the amount of support, love, and kind words you have offered me over these last several months. It’s not always been easy, and sometimes it’s been incredibly wonderful, but to all of the poeple who have emailed, sent messages, called, stopped me in the store, or just offered kind advice – THANK YOU. I cannot say this enough. Your support means more to me than any of you will ever know.

So now I’m going to unplug, drink some tea, maybe re-read November 9 by Colleen Hoover because I read it so fast that I want to absorb it all again, take a nap, spend some time with family since it is Thanksgiving, and just try really hard not to worry about how this whole thing is going to go.

I love you all and I can’t wait to hear what you think.

xox

Hayley

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